Mental illness. While there is more information out there now than there was years ago, it's still somewhat of a stigma; something avoided in conversation and shoved into the back of the proverbial closet with the dirty socks. Those diagnosed with a mental illness were treated like lepers, as if their disorder was contagious. And truthfully, things haven't changed all that much through the years. Many times when a positive diagnosis is given, it's soul crushing. How do I know?
My Story:
About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. I was just starting High School, I had a new boyfriend, and was a manager on the football team, so of course I was going through a lot at the time. The diagnosis made me feel different, like there was something wrong with me. I started taking anti-depressants and kept my mental illness a secret, except to family and a few very close friends. The medication seemed to work and I thought that people would treat me differently; like I was broken. And some did. They were careful around me and it drove me crazy. I wanted to be a normal teenager.
When I got out of high school and decided to take time off from college, I lost my health insurance, meaning I could no longer afford my medication. By this time, I was engaged and living with my fiance and his mother. Those first few weeks of detoxing was pure Hell and truthfully, I don't know how my now-husband could even stand being around me. Once the medication was completely out of my system, I felt better. "Maybe my depression is gone." I thought to myself.
Fast forward five years, marriage, a child, and dealing with multiple tragedies in my life. I was a stressed stay-at-home mom, wife, and a budding author. I noticed that my depression was back and with a vengeance. By that time, I had health insurance, but I was too proud to ask for help. I didn't want to believe that there was something wrong. I got worse and worse until I could no longer even stand myself. I had published my first book, but now I found it hard to concentrate on writing the next one. Any little thing would set me off into either a fit of anger or tears and it scared me. By September, I couldn't stand it any more and decided that it was finally time to get help, otherwise I would go further into the darkness that had engulfed my mind.
Bipolar Disorder.
I'd heard of it, of course. I'd dated a guy with it before and knew how bad it could be, especially without the proper treatment. I was crushed when I was diagnosed. This wasn't just depression. There was something wrong with me, with my mind. I felt like I was going crazy at times and it scared me more than anything else. Then came the terrifying reality that I had a mental illness. My doctor and I decided to start me on medication and I'll admit, it hasn't been the best experience. Every person is different; some medications work for some, but not for others. It's been six months of trying to find just the right cocktail to make my mood swings more manageable and there have been times where the darkness almost becomes too much to fight off. But I push through somehow.
Recently-after a very bad reaction to a mood stabilizer-I've finally found a combination of medications that are actually working. The downside is, my attention span is still that of a three year old in the toy section at Walmart. Trust me, I know exactly how that is because I have a three year old. Concentrating on a single task, especially during my manic episodes is extremely difficult, so writing has been very slow. But it's slowly getting better. I'm getting better. Like the famous quote from Chinese philosopher Laozi says, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Some Facts About Bipolar Disorder:
There is no cure for Bipolar Disorder, but there are many treatments, including medications and therapy.
Writers:
Hans Christian Andersen
Charles Dickens
Ernest Hemingway
Edgar Allan Poe (no surprise there, really.)
Mark Twain
Agatha Christie
TS Eliot
John Keats
Walt Whitman
Robert Frost
Actors and Actresses:
Marilyn Monroe
Carrie Fisher
Robert Downey Jr.
Mel Gibson
One thing that I've noticed recently is several celebrities speaking out about mental illness. And it makes me happy. People listen to celebrities. Maybe if more is talked about it, more people will research and then begin to understand. Mental Illness isn't a joke or something to be swept under the rug. It's an actual disease that millions suffer from daily. I've heard many people who don't understand tell someone to just stop being depressed or ask them what they have to be depressed about. It's not something we can willingly control. I wish that it was like that. No one wants to have a mental illness, but we do. And with education and understanding, maybe one day it won't be something that is whispered about. Until then, I'm standing tall and admitting...I have a mental illness.
My Story:
About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. I was just starting High School, I had a new boyfriend, and was a manager on the football team, so of course I was going through a lot at the time. The diagnosis made me feel different, like there was something wrong with me. I started taking anti-depressants and kept my mental illness a secret, except to family and a few very close friends. The medication seemed to work and I thought that people would treat me differently; like I was broken. And some did. They were careful around me and it drove me crazy. I wanted to be a normal teenager.
When I got out of high school and decided to take time off from college, I lost my health insurance, meaning I could no longer afford my medication. By this time, I was engaged and living with my fiance and his mother. Those first few weeks of detoxing was pure Hell and truthfully, I don't know how my now-husband could even stand being around me. Once the medication was completely out of my system, I felt better. "Maybe my depression is gone." I thought to myself.
Fast forward five years, marriage, a child, and dealing with multiple tragedies in my life. I was a stressed stay-at-home mom, wife, and a budding author. I noticed that my depression was back and with a vengeance. By that time, I had health insurance, but I was too proud to ask for help. I didn't want to believe that there was something wrong. I got worse and worse until I could no longer even stand myself. I had published my first book, but now I found it hard to concentrate on writing the next one. Any little thing would set me off into either a fit of anger or tears and it scared me. By September, I couldn't stand it any more and decided that it was finally time to get help, otherwise I would go further into the darkness that had engulfed my mind.
Bipolar Disorder.
I'd heard of it, of course. I'd dated a guy with it before and knew how bad it could be, especially without the proper treatment. I was crushed when I was diagnosed. This wasn't just depression. There was something wrong with me, with my mind. I felt like I was going crazy at times and it scared me more than anything else. Then came the terrifying reality that I had a mental illness. My doctor and I decided to start me on medication and I'll admit, it hasn't been the best experience. Every person is different; some medications work for some, but not for others. It's been six months of trying to find just the right cocktail to make my mood swings more manageable and there have been times where the darkness almost becomes too much to fight off. But I push through somehow.
Recently-after a very bad reaction to a mood stabilizer-I've finally found a combination of medications that are actually working. The downside is, my attention span is still that of a three year old in the toy section at Walmart. Trust me, I know exactly how that is because I have a three year old. Concentrating on a single task, especially during my manic episodes is extremely difficult, so writing has been very slow. But it's slowly getting better. I'm getting better. Like the famous quote from Chinese philosopher Laozi says, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Some Facts About Bipolar Disorder:
- Bipolar Disorder affects 2.3 Million Americans.
- 30% of people with untreated Bipolar Disorder commit suicide.
There is no cure for Bipolar Disorder, but there are many treatments, including medications and therapy.
- Many people experience increased creativity during a manic episode and can lead to great productivity. Which is a plus for writers like me. :)
- There are many famous people who have/had Bipolar disorder:
Writers:
Hans Christian Andersen
Charles Dickens
Ernest Hemingway
Edgar Allan Poe (no surprise there, really.)
Mark Twain
Agatha Christie
TS Eliot
John Keats
Walt Whitman
Robert Frost
Actors and Actresses:
Marilyn Monroe
Carrie Fisher
Robert Downey Jr.
Mel Gibson
One thing that I've noticed recently is several celebrities speaking out about mental illness. And it makes me happy. People listen to celebrities. Maybe if more is talked about it, more people will research and then begin to understand. Mental Illness isn't a joke or something to be swept under the rug. It's an actual disease that millions suffer from daily. I've heard many people who don't understand tell someone to just stop being depressed or ask them what they have to be depressed about. It's not something we can willingly control. I wish that it was like that. No one wants to have a mental illness, but we do. And with education and understanding, maybe one day it won't be something that is whispered about. Until then, I'm standing tall and admitting...I have a mental illness.